A friend of mine lost her mother to cancer last night, or at least that's when I read the news.
I haven't contacted her to say condolences and all.
I cancelled my plan to go to her funeral because I didn't know the address and none of my other friends went to it.
Many of you will say that I'm a terrible friend
Yes, I'm thinking about that too
but
how can I say "turut berduka cita" or "I know how you feel" and other formality-for-the-so-called-humanity stuff or whatsoever
when I don't feel it.
I don't want to give empty responses, how can some people be so mean sending the grieving ones those words while they're typing with flat expression or when they don't bother with real words and decided to make a shortcut. I don't even remember the last time I say turut berduka cita to someone I know. Not to another friend who previously told me about the complications that occurred with her mother who later passed away. I am in this dilemma, not wanting to be that, but I'm scared that people will take me as a fucker, rude, mean friend. I have no one that really understands the things that are going in my head. Hell, even I'm not at that point, yet.
I'm not feeling berduka cita since it does not affect my life in any way possible, and I don't know how she's feeling right now because, hell, I have never lost a mother before. The only thing I still feel right now is the urge to hug her and tell her in person that she's going to get through it and make whatever she wants to make despite (or inspite) anything that happens, that she can be in the Communication major like she wants and Head of Media Partner Division for the next project. I don't want to send her a galore of pity glare when I look at her, as someone I know once told me that pity is the biggest yet the subtlest form of arrogance.
and I don't want to send my arrogance to my friend
even though that makes me a terrible friend.
a·dieu
