A. K. U.

It's been a year since I ate a delicious hot bowl of soto at a small stall in front of a train station in Yogyakarta. It's been a year since my mood dropped because of the heavy luggage. Shallow, I know.




The time has come again, bitches.
See you in 2014.

Gue ngerasa gue hidup di lingkungan di mana nama panggilan temen-temen gue agak-agak kocak sama nama aslinya.
Sampe guru ofren gue ada yang bilang "Saya paling susah nginget nama anak-anak angkatan kalian."

Check this out.


Ayu K.: Yumil
Irena: Momod
Claudya: Menyo
Josh Kevin: Joke
Vallian Yuda: Gori (-_-)
Rezha Sabda: Abus
Rizky Adhitama: Uni (sampe detik ini, gue gatau kenapa dia dipanggil Uni, dia bukan orang Padang dan dia bukan cewek)
Samodero: Ado
Rifani: Mencong
Citra: Farcit
Irfan: Tomo, Domba
Angga Kurnia: Mupeng
Benedictus: Icus
Mirza: Aceng (kepanjangannya Anak CENGkareng, sebenernya basis Cengkareng banyak, tapi dia doang yang dipanggil gini :"))
Kelvin: Ahong, Cokin (you know, his eyes)
Ikhsan Alfarisy: Ican (so cute ryt)




DAN MASIH BANYAK LAGI, itu baru yang gue kenal banget.........
will be updated soon, darlas.

"Lo mau ambil apa?"
She usually will take a minute or two before answering to that very question.
"Belum tau nih, kayaknya mau FKM, hehehe"

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When she was little, her parents would ask her:
"Kamu mau jadi apa nanti?"
"Mau jadi dokter!"
They usually would take a minute or two before responding to that very answer.
"Terus mau jadi apa lagi?"
"Maunya jadi dokter aja."



Years go by.
Her parents still loved to ask her what does she want to be.
"Ntar mau jadi apa?"
"Jadi dokter, hehe."
"Kenapa sih pengen jadi dokter?"
A silence for seconds. She had never been good at expressing whatever she needed to.
She really, really wanted to say that she wanted to save people, go to places she had never been, to have her patient's family's smile after she cured the patient.
She just wanted to help.
"Gak papa, pengen aja."



She grew up.
Now she's way closer to the future more than she has ever been.
She ignored every future-related question.
She was being apathetic.
Then she realized she has to choose between the head and the heart.
"Gue mau FKM nih kayaknya, hehe"

Besok UTS Kimia.
And here I am.
Mehehehehe

Fak. Laptop gue ga bisa nulis accented letter lagi :"""""""
Terus sekarang kalo lagi ngetik suka tolol gitu.
I miss the old you, Lap. --stands for Laptop--

Still everyday I think about you
I know for a fact it's not your problem
If you change your mind
You'll find me hanging onto the place
Where the big blue sky collapse

That's for you, insensitive moron.

Gue akan berada di masa transisi, antara masa senang-senangnya menikmati dan siap untuk melepas.

Gue sekarang masih menikmati whatever I have and I can do now, entah itu waktu luang yang (masih bisa) gue buang sia-sia hanya untuk kesenangan yang gak jelas, jabatan, kesadaran bahwa gue masih salah satu dari pasukan, temen-temen SMA gue, rak sepatu depan labkim, nyeker di koridor, daydreams, Pablue, podium, STUPA CUP, etc, etc.......

Sekarang waktu luang gue mulai terkikis, gara-gara O-Friends atau apapun yang harus jadi prioritas teratas, just months away until I call myself a part of peleton bantuan (in 2013 months feel like weeks, ya know?), bakal ada waktunya gue gak akan sering berinteraksi sama manusia because I'm too busy with books, gue akan lebih sering nongkrong di front office-nya OF instead of depan labkim/tiang/podium...

I love daydreaming. This may sound ridiculous but I like making a person in my head with such character and I create the perfect scenarios for her. It is in me. My love for writing grew from this daydreaming thing. There will come the time when I have no time to do it, to brainstorm about what to do with her, to feel the excitement that she does. Time will force me to slowly bury her. Just imagining this will happen is painful :"

Pablue is my journal's name, it is derived from "Pablo", a car's name in the movie "Cars", and since its cover is blue, it's "Pablue" then. I love writing, so, very much. I transform my thoughts into letters and feelings, and that's why what is written on here, Pablue, and my other journal is just 30% of what I really think becausee most stays in my head. Well, honestly what I write physically is just what I need to let out from my head, myself, because it may intoxicate my mind and make me a bad man, that's why most of my writings is about sadness, anger, and disappointment, even though I can assure you that you will find some laugh when you read my journal. Gue aja sekarang udah agak jarang nulis di Pablue, apalagi nanti-nanti................. God please let me find a way to keep me writing.

I am the worst when it comes to letting go.
I cried the loudest when my grandma passed away.
I always sobbed every time my hamster died.
I, until now, always feel empty whenever I remember whatever that used to be close to me, now it is miles away.
When others say, "It's okay we'll find something new", I will be the last one to ever think to say that.
Aduh.
Parah.

First of all, SELAMAT LEBARAN GUISE!!

Pffffttttt gilak ini belum 24 jam gue udah mau nangis twitter gue ga bisa diapa-apain.....

Gimana nanti kalo twitter gue belik tapi followers-followingnya engga? T______T
God, help the Twitter Support crew please.

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
-INSERT TITLE HERE-!!!!!!!!!!!!

My twitter behaved normally when I opened it this morning. But minutes later my timeline couldn't refresh and I couldn't tweet oh God nooooo

But my smart side of brain turned on itself and said "Let's go check to web"
and it's suspended, for real. Fuck.
Calm down! I decided to write a letter to Twitter about how kind and sweet and funny I am when it comes to Twitter. But I really am that kind of girl in real world, right?

I can understand if it's an accident by Twitter crews......but I know some accounts are suspended because a large group of people blocked them.


Who, would block or report me as spam. -- in large group? You are so mean :"(
I'm serious. It's become my life, it's even bigger since my TV broke and it became my only source of happiness and news and you took it as a joke. You don't understand the happy sense every time my timeline refresh and would bring new information --not matter how big or small--. I love Twitter. I love MY Twitter account. I don't want to lose you; my followers, AND MY FOLLOWINGS. OHMYGOD THEY'VE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERY KNOWLEDGE I HAVE UNTIL THIS SECOND.

These days God taught me what not to take for granted; which is everything, anything.
Including my cyber world? Oh God, you're taking it too far.

Anyway Twitter said "We will respond your letter by sending email in a few days. But in some cases, it may take longer."

Good bye, world.

Pffftt 3 hari yang lalu bagi rapot tengah semester.

And it was a nice breakdown for me.

But a sentence lightens up my mood so easily
"Rapot tengah semester gak dipake buat SNMPTN"

What matters is how hard you will work your ass off to fix and improve it.

If later in the end you get better grades, nice.
If not, fuck your life.

Dulu pernah nanya ke Rana, begini:


"Ran, 'ToT' itu artinya apa sih? Gue taunya LoL"

Today I slept for 3 hours on the afternoon....... call it action.
And the reaction is, I'm still feeling like it's 7 pm when it's 9.05 pm
Getting bored, but I know trying to sleep is as useless as giving Whiskas to my sister

God saves me!
I found questions list on Tumblr
How it works: some people should ask me by the number of the question I post earlier
But since nobody got time for that, I'l post the question...... and answer all of them by myself T__T


Enjoy.

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• 1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? ........it's my mom. #awkward
• 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? ex boyfriend I don't have one.
• 3. Have you taken someones virginity? then mine would've been taken too right? Nope.
• 4. Is trust a big issue for you? A VERY BIG FAT YES.
• 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? no.......
• 6. What are you excited for? So many things!!! I don't think I can list them here because they are top secrets............. or probably because I don't know what to be excited for.
• 7. What happened tonight? I died while watching Corey Gray's cover videos because his eyes are just asdfghjkl
• 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Nothing is really awful or disgusting in life, it's just how you react to things. So, no.
• 9. Is confidence cute? it's cool
• 10. What is the last beverage you had? hot chocolate! omnomnom :9
• 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Not very good at counting but I'm sure they are more than the girls.
• 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? yes ofkorz gue kan AGJ
• 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? If you mean next Saturday night.... I think I'm gonna get wasted. Lol no, spending day with my laptop is fine.
• 14. What are you going to spend money on next? HAHA paying books and stuff #sedih
• 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? I haven't kissed any person so....err.....
• 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? I'll change in the next hours... or minute....so yeah
• 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? I don't really like talking soo I prefer writing.
• 18. The last time you felt broken? recently
• 19. Have you had sex today? yea it feels gud. no mom don't kill me i was just kidding
• 20. Are you starting to realize anything? that I still have lots of questions to be answered? Yes.
• 21. Are you in a good mood? YEAASSHHHH
• 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Baby sharks, big yesss!! :3
• 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? yupp
• 24. What do you want right this second? a drink, preferably the iced ones.
• 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? HAHAHA I'd probably just say 'fuck you' in a nice whisper.
• 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? yesss
• 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? won't be.
• 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? my senior's tweets
• 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes.....but not that deep.
• 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? every being does.
• 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy/girl you were talking to? no of course
• 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? nopee
• 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? NOT. NEVER BE ONE.
• 34. Listening to? 7 Things - Miley Cyrus
• 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? I always write in pencil
• 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Never I did kiss a person
• 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? I do.
• 38. Who did you last call? Mom
• 39. Who was the last person you danced with? Anastasia...? We were dancing to Beauty and A Beat I guess
• 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? screw this question I've never kissed anyone or anything except my hamster stop these questions
• 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? WHOA IT WAS MONTHS AGO OR WEEKS? IDK
• 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Haven't.....
• 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? nope
• 44. Do you tan in the nude? ga perlu nude juga udah tanned kok ni"h :""
• 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? shut up
• 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? yes... I think....
• 47. Who was the last person to call you? Imon...... HAHAHA
• 48. Do you sing in the shower? Used to
• 49. Do you dance in the car? no I would hit the roof
• 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? not.... yet!
• 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? don't know don't care
• 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? noooo. Well some of them are :|
• 53. Is Christmas stressful? no! Why it is?
• 54. Ever eat a pierogi? is that a kind of food?
• 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple pie!
• 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Never had one :|
• 57. Do you believe in ghosts? ...........screw you
• 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? OFTENNNN
• 59. Take a vitamin daily? should've, but I always forget them haha
• 60. Wear slippers? nope
• 61. Wear a bath robe? no
• 62. What do you wear to bed? loose t-shirt and short or long trousers
• 63. First concert? Never been there.
• 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?......... never been there-_-
• 65. Nike or Adidas? most of Nike are cool but Adidas is more affordable. SO, both.
• 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos....kayaknya.
• 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? SUNFLOWER SEEDS.
• 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? whoa it's quite hard I love many of her songs
• 69. Ever take dance lessons? yes! :3
• 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? maybe
• 71. Can you curl your tongue? yes but not the freaky ones kind
• 72. Ever won a spelling bee? Never joined that competition
• 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Almost have
• 74. What is your favorite book? too many :"D
• 75. Do you study better with or without music? with music!
• 76. Regularly burn incense? astaghfirullah kaga pernaaah
• 77. Ever been in love? not so sure
• 78. Who would you like to see in concert? WHOOPS WHOOPS MANY!! One Direction, Coldplay, Ed Sheeran,  ATL, Alex Goot, Boyce Avenue, and the list continues....
• 79. What was the last concert you saw? if gigs included, it's RAN.
• 80. Hot tea or cold tea? both!
• 81. Tea or coffee? Tea ofkors
• 82. Favorite type of cookie? chocolate chip or coconut
• 83. Can you swim well? nice
• 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yes
• 85. Are you patient? maybe.....
• 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? BAND!!
• 87. Ever won a contest? yes of course I was a talented kid.
• 88. Ever have plastic surgery? never have and never will
• 89. Which are better black or green olives? don't know the differences, actually
• 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? nice
• 91. Best room for a fireplace? living room
• 92. Do you want to get married? FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, yes.

Gue sudah lama berniat untuk bikin post yang isinya anak-anak sekelas.
Dan sepertinya hanya akan menjadi niat.
Atau setidaknya tidak akan terealisasi dalam waktu dekat.

Duh gue udah lama gak ngetik panjang jadi belepotan gini huhuhu
Aku rindu waktu luang hingga puluhan jam :"")








"It's love when it kills you everytime he says something smells like compliment in the slightest bit
And when he's with his girlfriend"

Have a gooooddd day everyone! :D

Besok seminggu pertama di sekolah nih!! Yaa belom ada yang rempong-rempong gitu sih pelajaran/gurunya masih asoy kayak anak reggae.

Duh huruf 'k'-nya ngadet nih-_- jadi setiap ada huruf k gue copas...................

Wkwk sumpah nih gue oon banget.
Hari pertama sekolah: "Gue pasti bisa meraih nilai gemilang cemerlang bagaikan bintang di semester ini tanpa bantuan bimbel atau apapun. Gue harus bisa."
Hari keempat: "GUE MAU BIMBEEEEELLLLLLL"

Yak. Hanya bertahan empat hari keteguhan hati saya sodara-sodarah.
Duh ini keyboard bikin males ngetik. Kapan-kapan aja eaa lanjutinnya qaqaaaaaa *terengah-engah ngetik*

HAPPY NU YEAAAARRRR PIPOL!! /telat/
Been a great, great year, 2012 to me. Got so many good things that aren't things, found the truest parts of me, learned so much...... what else? The point is, it's a meaningful year :)

Tapi kenapa waktu tambah cepet aja -..- kayaknya makin deket sama kiamat nih.........
Semoga 2013 gue tambah pinter 0:) -dalam diri sendiri dan di rapot tentunya-, semoga gue bisa menjalankan tugas-tugas yang diberikan dengan lancar, semoga nilai gue di semester 4&5 ini 90 ke atas semua........
Semoga tekad belajar gue ja000000000hhhhh meningkat dibanding 3 semester sebelumnya -my will has had been a shit for the last 1.5 years-

Semoga di tahun ini, gue sudah menemukan jati diri gue, seutuhnya :-)







BUAT NENTUIN JURUSAN KULIAH, BRO.